Having not had a period whilst I had been breastfeeding, I wondered how long it would take my body to have a cycle. I'm not sure if I had been ovulating while I was breastfeeding, as I hadn't fallen pregnant in that time. I had gradually dropped feeds from our return to NYC, coming down to two feeds in the two weeks that I had in NYC prior to returning to work. Hunter was on formula for the two day feeds and still being breastfed morning and evening. In April, I dropped the evening feed to a formula feed and then finally in May I dropped the morning feed to formula. Two weeks later on 23rd May, I got my period. We were going on holiday to Turks and Caicos the next day, so I was a bit annoyed that I was going to have to deal with it on holiday as I'd heard from friends that the first period you have after pregnancy and breastfeeding is long and heavy. I needn't have worried, as it was a very light period and only lasted a couple of days. Looking back now, I wonder if that wasn't enough of a 'clean out' for my body to be prepared to carry another baby.
I did a pregnancy test twenty-nine days after the 23rd May, but it came back negative. I was a little disappointed, but thought that it would have been miraculous if we'd fallen pregnant first time around after one period again. A week and a half went by and on the Tuesday, I started to feel a little bloated and crampy. I also noticed that I wasn't able to run for as long at the gym, which was a similar symptom that I'd had with Hunter. I did a test that night and the test came back with a very confused blue screen; you couldn't make out any lines at all. I told Mark that night that I thought I was pregnant and he was very excited. I did another the next morning, and it came back very pale but positive. Mark was so excited that he started telling people we were pregnant. I thought it was too early to start telling people, but didn't see the harm in it given that we had had such a smooth ride with Hunter.
I rang Dr Holden's office and booked in to have an appointment with him on the 14th of July, which would be my 7 week mark and first ultrasound. That weekend was July 4th and we had been invited to go to Long Island to stay with friends. I still couldn't believe that I was pregnant, so I did another on the Saturday and it came back much bolder this time around. It was a long week's wait for the ultrasound appointment and when it finally came I was quite nervous. Up on the screen, Dr Holden pointed out the gestational sac but said that it looked like it may be too early to see a foetus. We had a quick chat about next steps, which he said would be to take blood that day and then again a few days later to see that my hCG levels were increasing appropriately. After that, I would have a viability scan the following week to make sure that everything was progressing as expected. I asked him if there was a chance that it could be a miscarriage and he said yes, but that we would see.
I had the blood results come back on the Friday. Dr Holden said that the hCG levels were increasing nicely and that the next step would be to book in for a viability scan. I was quite confident going in for the viability scan. I thought that everything must have been progressing as expected if the hCG levels were also. I knew straight away that something wasn't right when I saw a big blob on the screen with nothing inside. The sonographer was being very aloof when I asked her if it was a miscarriage, saying that I would need to speak to Dr Holden. It felt like she was treating me like idiot. I had more blood done and I remember crying to the nurse, Patti. She was trying to reassure me, saying that nothing was certain yet and that Dr Holden would be able to give me more information. I knew that it couldn't be good. I had been expecting to see a foetus and a heartbeat, but there was only an empty sac. I called Mark as soon as I was out and he didn't quite understand it at first. He just thought that I meant it was too early to see anything. I told him that it didn't look good and he started to realise the same. I hopped in a cab and went home, but ended up going back into work because I needed to take my mind off it until I spoke with Dr Holden. He called me in the afternoon and told me that it was "a mis". I felt numb. He was speaking in such a soothing tone that I thought he must have dealt with this many times before. I couldn't help but cry. We spoke again that evening and he explained in detail what my options were. He told me that I had three options; I could wait until the tissue expelled itself, which could take weeks, or I could take some meds to expel the tissue, which should happen 24-48 hours after taking them, or I could have a D&C, a surgical procedure that has some risks (though extremely rare), such as puncturing of the uterus. I decided to go with the meds. They didn't work the first time around, so I had to take them again a week later; apparently I was part of the 3% who they don't work for the first time. A week later, I only expelled for a day. I had a sonogram a couple of days later, which showed tissue still there, so Dr Holden gave me a prescription for different meds to expel the remainder. Nothing happened. We went away on holiday to Barbados to get our visas processed (I was changing jobs in the middle of all of this) and luckily nothing happened while we were on holiday. The day after we arrived back, it started again and I expelled blood and gross-looking tissue for two weeks straight, beginning my new job right in the middle. A couple of weeks past and I started bleeding again. I thought it was my period, but I've since learnt that there has to be around a four week gap (at least) for a proper hormonal cycle to occur. It went on for a week, and then almost a week later I started bleeding again. I got in touch with Dr Holden and he told me to book in for a sonogram to see what was going on. The sonographer told me that there was still a lot of tissue remaining and said that I would need to see my Dr as soon as possible, as the tissue may have been there so long that it could be difficult to remove. Dr Holden was busy the next day, so I was booked to see Dr Perera, another Dr in his team, at the hospital to have an MVA (manual vacuum aspiration). Dr Perera said that she wanted to have another look inside my uterus before she began anything to make sure that it was the correct procedure. She pointed to the remaining tissue on the screen, showing that it was taking up most of my uterus. She then said that she was going to bring in another Dr to get a second opinion about the procedure. The second Dr came in and they both agreed that it was best to do a D&C in the operating theatre and put me under a general anesthetic in case of excessive bleeding and also to make it more comfortable for me, in case the remaining tissue was difficult to extract. I was booked in to have the D&C the following week with Dr Holden.
Finally, the 8th of October arrived. I went through to the operating theatre after pre-op and was put under general shortly after. I woke up as if nothing had happened. I rested in the post-op room until Mark arrived, and was told to take it easy for the rest of the day. I didn't have any pain or cramping as I was told I might, so didn't need to take any painkillers at all. I couldn't believe how good I felt after the D&C and really wished I'd done it right at the beginning to save a lot of time and emotional energy. It was a huge relief to know that it was finally all over. I still feel the loss, but I am grateful that it did not progress to a foetus, as I think it would have been much more devastating to see the beginnings of a little baby itself. It was a bump in the road that went on for months and months, but hopefully we will have another little one with us soon enough.
I did a pregnancy test twenty-nine days after the 23rd May, but it came back negative. I was a little disappointed, but thought that it would have been miraculous if we'd fallen pregnant first time around after one period again. A week and a half went by and on the Tuesday, I started to feel a little bloated and crampy. I also noticed that I wasn't able to run for as long at the gym, which was a similar symptom that I'd had with Hunter. I did a test that night and the test came back with a very confused blue screen; you couldn't make out any lines at all. I told Mark that night that I thought I was pregnant and he was very excited. I did another the next morning, and it came back very pale but positive. Mark was so excited that he started telling people we were pregnant. I thought it was too early to start telling people, but didn't see the harm in it given that we had had such a smooth ride with Hunter.
I rang Dr Holden's office and booked in to have an appointment with him on the 14th of July, which would be my 7 week mark and first ultrasound. That weekend was July 4th and we had been invited to go to Long Island to stay with friends. I still couldn't believe that I was pregnant, so I did another on the Saturday and it came back much bolder this time around. It was a long week's wait for the ultrasound appointment and when it finally came I was quite nervous. Up on the screen, Dr Holden pointed out the gestational sac but said that it looked like it may be too early to see a foetus. We had a quick chat about next steps, which he said would be to take blood that day and then again a few days later to see that my hCG levels were increasing appropriately. After that, I would have a viability scan the following week to make sure that everything was progressing as expected. I asked him if there was a chance that it could be a miscarriage and he said yes, but that we would see.
I had the blood results come back on the Friday. Dr Holden said that the hCG levels were increasing nicely and that the next step would be to book in for a viability scan. I was quite confident going in for the viability scan. I thought that everything must have been progressing as expected if the hCG levels were also. I knew straight away that something wasn't right when I saw a big blob on the screen with nothing inside. The sonographer was being very aloof when I asked her if it was a miscarriage, saying that I would need to speak to Dr Holden. It felt like she was treating me like idiot. I had more blood done and I remember crying to the nurse, Patti. She was trying to reassure me, saying that nothing was certain yet and that Dr Holden would be able to give me more information. I knew that it couldn't be good. I had been expecting to see a foetus and a heartbeat, but there was only an empty sac. I called Mark as soon as I was out and he didn't quite understand it at first. He just thought that I meant it was too early to see anything. I told him that it didn't look good and he started to realise the same. I hopped in a cab and went home, but ended up going back into work because I needed to take my mind off it until I spoke with Dr Holden. He called me in the afternoon and told me that it was "a mis". I felt numb. He was speaking in such a soothing tone that I thought he must have dealt with this many times before. I couldn't help but cry. We spoke again that evening and he explained in detail what my options were. He told me that I had three options; I could wait until the tissue expelled itself, which could take weeks, or I could take some meds to expel the tissue, which should happen 24-48 hours after taking them, or I could have a D&C, a surgical procedure that has some risks (though extremely rare), such as puncturing of the uterus. I decided to go with the meds. They didn't work the first time around, so I had to take them again a week later; apparently I was part of the 3% who they don't work for the first time. A week later, I only expelled for a day. I had a sonogram a couple of days later, which showed tissue still there, so Dr Holden gave me a prescription for different meds to expel the remainder. Nothing happened. We went away on holiday to Barbados to get our visas processed (I was changing jobs in the middle of all of this) and luckily nothing happened while we were on holiday. The day after we arrived back, it started again and I expelled blood and gross-looking tissue for two weeks straight, beginning my new job right in the middle. A couple of weeks past and I started bleeding again. I thought it was my period, but I've since learnt that there has to be around a four week gap (at least) for a proper hormonal cycle to occur. It went on for a week, and then almost a week later I started bleeding again. I got in touch with Dr Holden and he told me to book in for a sonogram to see what was going on. The sonographer told me that there was still a lot of tissue remaining and said that I would need to see my Dr as soon as possible, as the tissue may have been there so long that it could be difficult to remove. Dr Holden was busy the next day, so I was booked to see Dr Perera, another Dr in his team, at the hospital to have an MVA (manual vacuum aspiration). Dr Perera said that she wanted to have another look inside my uterus before she began anything to make sure that it was the correct procedure. She pointed to the remaining tissue on the screen, showing that it was taking up most of my uterus. She then said that she was going to bring in another Dr to get a second opinion about the procedure. The second Dr came in and they both agreed that it was best to do a D&C in the operating theatre and put me under a general anesthetic in case of excessive bleeding and also to make it more comfortable for me, in case the remaining tissue was difficult to extract. I was booked in to have the D&C the following week with Dr Holden.
Finally, the 8th of October arrived. I went through to the operating theatre after pre-op and was put under general shortly after. I woke up as if nothing had happened. I rested in the post-op room until Mark arrived, and was told to take it easy for the rest of the day. I didn't have any pain or cramping as I was told I might, so didn't need to take any painkillers at all. I couldn't believe how good I felt after the D&C and really wished I'd done it right at the beginning to save a lot of time and emotional energy. It was a huge relief to know that it was finally all over. I still feel the loss, but I am grateful that it did not progress to a foetus, as I think it would have been much more devastating to see the beginnings of a little baby itself. It was a bump in the road that went on for months and months, but hopefully we will have another little one with us soon enough.
