Anatomy Sonogram and the Sex

As the weeks and months pass by, I still find it unbelievable to think that I am carrying a little baby.  For so long there was nothing physically to show for it, and at each of the early sonograms I would look at the screen in disbelief and awe.  In the lead up to the anatomy sonogram, which is to check whether the baby is anatomically fine with ten fingers and toes etc., I was both excited and nervous.  Excited because it would provide me with more proof of the little person growing day by day inside me, and nervous not just to confirm if the little one has the right amount of body parts, but also because of the paranoid thoughts that something may have gone wrong in between the check ups.

I had to head up to the Columbia University Medical Centre for the anatomy sonogram, which is way up around 165th Street, as my OB/GYN is based up there on Fridays.  I had to have it on that day, as I had just reached 18 weeks, which is the earliest you can have the anatomy sonogram, and as I was leaving for London the next day for two weeks, it would be too late for me to have it when I returned.

I hopped on the bed and just before we started, the sonographer asked if I was wanting to find out the sex of the baby that day.  Mark and I had spoken about it before, and Mark had said that he would prefer not to find out, but if I really wanted to then I could.  I had been totally torn for weeks, as I really wanted to find out for a number of reasons.  The main one was because I was so hoping for a little boy to start, so that we'd have an older brother scenario, and because of this I thought I might need a little time to also get excited about a little girl.  Plus, I thought that it would be nice to be able to talk to and refer to the baby as whatever it was and with a name, which would allow us to have more of a connection with it.  I was also so over people, in particular strangers, telling me what they thought I was having because of where I was gaining weight!  So when she asked me if I would like to find out, I answered her by saying, "Well, my husband doesn't want to know, so I don't want you to tell me, but I really want to know!".  She laughed and said, "Well, this is going to take quite a while, and if you're paying attention you'll be able to see me type the chromosomes on the screen at one point", so I made sure I paid attention the whole way through.  It did take quite a while because the whole exercise was an amazingly thorough one, in literally looking for each and every body part to make sure it was present and correct.  When we finally got to a screen where I thought I recognised a little fluro member, she wrote 'XY' on the screen, and I knew that they were the chromosomes I was looking at.  She stayed on the screen and asked if I could see.  I said, "Oh wow, it's a boy!", to which she laughed and said, "I'm neither confirming nor denying".  I was so excited, but was still aiming to keep it a secret, thinking to myself that I hadn't been definitively told, so I could be wrong!

Mark had his suspicions that night when he returned from Chicago, asking me how it went.  I told him that the sonographer had said that he was an extremely active baby, flipping and twisting all the time.  He asked me why I was referring to it as a boy, and I told him that the sonographer had been referring to it as a boy, which was the truth even before the chromosome screen, so I was just naturally doing the same.  I also told him that the sonographer had said the baby had long fingers, to which Mark replied, "Golly, we might pop out a funny-looking, ginger-haired kid."  I asked why we'd have a baby with red hair, and he reminded me that all three of his brothers are strawberry blonde and had red hair as kids.  What colour hair our little boy has is yet to be seen, but Prince Harry has certainly made red hair sexy.. haha!

I left for London early the next morning, successfully without having disclosed the chromosome story to Mark.  Over the two weeks that I was there seeing my girlfriends (and working out of the London office at the same time), I was asked numerous times if I knew what we were having.  I was hopeless at keeping mum about it (literally!), though my reply would be, "I think we are having a boy because I think I saw the chromosomes".  I was dying to speak to Mark, as I couldn't hold it or my excitement in any longer and wanted to share it with him, but it had been impossible to speak to each other during the second week of my trip, as he was doing the Atacama Desert Race with Richie, a crazy week-long race through the Chilean desert that encompassed a marathon or more each day, and there was no phone coverage out there.  Richie had taken up the email package so that he could send long messages back to Emma at the end of each day for Em to update his blog, but other than that, Emma and I had no direct contact with the boys, and would have to wait until they were back at the finish line in San Pedro to speak to them.

I returned to London the day after the boys finished the race, and that afternoon Mark and I Skyped while he was waiting to board his plane back to NYC.  He told me how he had been telling people doing the race that we were going to name our baby Sunny if it was a boy, because we got married on the Sunshine Coast, or Goldie if it was a girl, because I was from the Gold Coast.  I started blurting that I actually had to tell him something and straight away he said, "I knew it.. you know don't you!  Ok, what are we having, a Sunny or a Goldie?"  I said, "We're having a Hunter", as that was the name that I had previously mentioned to him that I loved.  He smiled, and jokingly said that the fact that we were having a boy softened the blow of finding out early, though I think he also secretly wanted a boy to start.

It's so nice being able to talk to him as a 'he' and with a name (Hunter has stuck so far.. result!).  He is now also kicking, or performing somersaults or whatever he is doing in there, more and more each day, which is a strange feeling but very exciting at the same time.  The movements were initially less obvious, feeling more like bodily twitches similar to indigestion rather than anything foreign in my tummy area, but as the weeks have gone on, they are now clearly identifiable, and Mark and I get a lot of enjoyment simply by waiting for them with our hands on my belly while we watch bad television each night!

Redundancies vs Promotion

Preparation for my promotion process began well over a year prior to the official promotion round.  I had travelled on my own to the Paris and Milan offices in late 2011 to implement the Risk and Control Assessments in the branches, and the majority of 2012 had been spent continuing to demonstrate that I was operating at the level of Vice President, and to 'knock it out of the ballpark' as my boss kept reminding me.

I had been very lucky with my move to NYC.  Having gone to my boss in London on my return from honeymoon to let him know that Mark and I intended on moving to NYC later in the year, with the intention of giving him ample time to find someone to replace me, I wasn't quite certain what the reaction would be.  Fortunately, he immediately asked if I'd like to transfer with the team and work out of the NYC office, to which I replied a definitive, "Yes!", and he set about organising the transfer for me.

It was a relatively painless process, apart from the employment lawyers at work leaving the visa application process to the eleventh hour prior to our scheduled move date, and the additional laborious task of having to line up for hours at the US Embassy in Mayfair.  However, the visa process itself was very straightforward.  The L1 visa that I was being transferred under is an employer-sponsored visa for employees who have been with the company for more than two years.  It is initially granted for a 2 year period, which can then be extended for another three and, if the employer is a well-known company, is merely a formality.  Although our move to NYC and the shipment of our belongings both to NYC and back to Australia was going to be a small financial burden on Concep, at least the cost of my visa was something that had been taken care of by my work.  Plus, the relief of me having a job to go to upon our arrival in the US meant that we had one less thing to worry about.

The move to NYC provided me with another dimension and opportunity to take advantage of in my career, with a significant number of the Commodities stakeholders being based in the US.  I knew that the promotion process was already underway, and was nervously anticipating the interview that would be scheduled between myself and my promotion 'sponsor', who would be a Director or, more likely, an MD at the company.  I finally heard from my promotion sponsor, and our meeting was set for early the following week.  On the day of the planned meeting, I hadn't heard from him to confirm a time as planned and assumed that he was too busy to meet that day and would have to reschedule.  However, he contacted me mid-afternoon to confirm the interview and check whether I would be right to pop up to his office in an hour's time.  I quickly revised my notes and soon made my way up.

He immediately put me at ease and, refreshingly, conducted our meeting as more of a discussion rather than an interview.  This both comforted and concerned me, as I wasn't quite sure whether we would have covered enough ground for him to be armed with adequate ammunition in order to fight my corner in the Promotion Committee meeting that was being held in mid December.  Nonetheless, I had to trust that the interview had gone as well as it could have and that I had done my best to impress.

The weeks following went by without any news.  My boss in London had been told that no news was good news in the lead up to the formal promotion announcements around 'bonus time' in February.  During this time, I had discovered that I was pregnant, but informing work about it was something that I thought would best be left until after I had been told news of my promotion, one way or the other.

In the week of 'bonus day' in early February, we had a somewhat unforeseen turn of events.  Three people in our US team were made redundant.  Two days after redundancies had occurred, we were still getting used to our dramatically-reduced team and the knowledge that the work that had suddenly been left behind would have to be redistributed among us immediately.  That afternoon, one of the two remaining Directors in our team called each of us in to an office one by one to give us our bonus messages.  I was called last, which I wasn't expecting as I thought that my boss in London would be the one to deliver my message.  However, as I was now a US employee, my message was driven from HR in the US.

I was immediately told that I had been successful in my promotion and was now a VP.  As much as the huge wave of immense relief swept through me, I couldn't help the bitter sweet feeling I had about that week, which had seen three people lose their jobs.  Also, the fact that I was still concealing my pregnancy made me feel a bit guilty, which was silly.  It was just unfortunate timing.  I had been advised that although the US has minimal employment laws, one of the laws that the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission did have was The Pregnancy Discrimination Act, which forbids discrimination based on pregnancy when it comes to any aspect of employment, so for this reason, the likelihood of me being let go after my promotion was, luckily, non-existent.

I wanted to be able to tell my team in London about my pregnancy in person, which meant that I should really tell my ultimate boss in NYC prior to my London trip at the end of February.  I decided that I would tell him the news the day before I left for London, which would also be the day of my anatomy sonogram, and enough time for the dust to have settled following the redundancies.

When the day came, I went and asked if I could speak with him for five minutes.  He waved me in and I began telling him that I had some news.  I think he actually thought I was resigning, as when I told him I was 'with child', he looked almost relieved!  I started telling him that it was a huge surprise for Mark and I, probably going in to a bit more detail than I needed to!  I told him that I'd be off from around the end of July for about six months, but jokingly said that the good thing was that if I was in London, I'd be off for the whole year.  I told him that I was committed to my job and would be making sure that things would flow smoothly in my absence.  He congratulated me and we had good chat, so much to my relief, it had all gone well!

Symptoms, or Lack Thereof

Not having suffered through any morning sickness was, I suppose, another reason for my delayed discovery.  A few weeks after I knew I was pregnant, I started waking up in the morning absolutely ravenous, with a slightly painful hunger that wouldn't let up until I had something in my belly.  The Dr said to keep a stash of water crackers in the bathroom cupboard so that I could quickly access them in the middle of the night, if required, or when I wake up.  Now when I wake up at crazy hours of the night, I just head straight to the kitchen to wolf down a yogurt, banana or apple.

In early January, apart from having the odd lower back dull ache and noticing that my boobs were becoming more sensitive, I thought I had escaped the worst of what others go through in the way of morning sickness or symptoms etc., but a few nights in a row, my wisdom teeth (mainly my bottom right wisdom tooth) started flaring up in the middle of the night and becoming agonisingly painful.  I read on the internet that it is also common for expectant women to have their gums flare up due to pregnancy hormones, and if you also happen to have your wisdom teeth flare up, that there's not much that can be done about it until after you've had the baby, unless you want to go through the agonising removal of them with limited pain relief!  I made an appointment with the dentist the following Monday.  He said that he would aggravate the area around the tooth with the idea of getting it to bleed and then settle down.  I also had the hygienist thoroughly rip my mouth apart, which was good in a masochistic way, and give me a dressing-down reminder about how important good oral hygiene is, so I bought a new electric toothbrush (with a normal toothbrush head, rather than a round head that I'd not found that effective in the past) and passed through the pharmacy to buy floss and mouthwash and also the recommended Hydrogen Peroxide 3% mix that the dentist said to use several times a day by swilling around my mouth with warm water to kill bacteria.  The dental cover provided by my dental insurance through work also has added incentive to get back to the dentist regularly, as it covers quarterly hygienist treatments.  Thankfully, my wisdom tooth settled down in a couple of days, but it looks like I will at some point have to have it removed, as its current coordinates are way out of line with the rest of the troops!

I haven't had any cravings as such.  I suppose the only 'craving' I have sometimes had is the main thing I can't have, alcohol!  Though even that has settled down.  I have the odd sip here and there, though I've become less inclined to feel like it, opting more for OJ or soda water and fresh lime.  I felt less guilty about having a the odd half glass once my Dr said it was absolutely fine, but when I do have any wine, which might be once or twice every few weeks, I top and tail it with loads of water, and usually have a spritzer.  It will certainly be weird being able to drink freely again!

The Nuchal and Results

Heading to the Mid Town Columbia Medical Centre on Wednesday 23rd January for the Nuchal (or Downs Syndrome) test was quite nerve-wracking.  I knew that the test is a combined test of both a physical measurement of the back of the baby's neck, which is done by the sonographer looking at the ultrasound, and a blood test.  Not only was I nervous about what the sonographer might discover about the baby's neck measurement in my presence, I was also nervous about seeing the baby again, and whether or not everything was still ok.

The sonographer asked me to lie on the bed and proceeded to put the ultrasound gel on my stomach, followed by the ultrasound instrument.  On the big screen in front of me I saw the shape of the baby, and the sonographer said something about the baby sleeping.  She moved the instrument around to get different angles while she was pressing a button that was producing some photos.  She gave them to me and I kept looking at the screen, not quite sure what she was seeing and feeling a bit hesitant to ask if all was as expected.  She said again something about the baby not wanting to have its picture taken and I said, "Is there a heartbeat?", to which she laughed and replied, "Yes, of course there's a heartbeat.  I wouldn't give you photos of the baby if there wasn't a heartbeat!"  I guess that was obvious!  Almost instantly the baby started flipping around and about on the screen like it was in a swimming pool.  It looked very cute.  The sonographer then started taking measurements of the baby, including the neck.  Then it flipped again and was facing away in a position that wasn't really conducive to measuring it.  She said that she was measuring my ovaries etc. while the baby was hiding.  After a while, she said that the baby wasn't wanting to play ball, and that she was having trouble getting some more measurements of the neck.  She said that she was going to ask a Dr if what she had already obtained was ok.  She came back and told me that the Dr had said what had already been taken was enough.  I had a feeling of relief, thinking that if that was the case, then the measurements of the neck were at least a good sign.   I asked her if she knew my due date, and she told me it was the 25th July.  I then had the blood test taken by a nurse, which was only a prick on my finger to place five spots of blood on a test sheet.  The nurse said that my Dr would have the results in a few days.  Once I'd left, I looked at my calendar and calculated that going by my due date, I was 14 weeks the next day, which put me exactly in line with my October cycle.

I already had my next appointment with Dr Holden scheduled for the following Monday, so was hoping that he would have the results by that date.  Mark was coming with me to this one, as I had assumed that it would be another sonogram that Mark would be able to experience.  We were called to Dr Holden's room and I was asked by the nurse to give a urine sample.  Dr Holden came in shortly after and asked me to hop up on the bed.  I asked if I had to remove my pants, expecting to have another internal sonogram, but he said that there was no ultrasound today, and that we were going to listen to the baby's heartbeat.  I was a little disappointed that Mark wasn't going to experience the sonogram that day, but it was still very exciting listening to the baby's heartbeat, which was beating at around 140 beats per minute; much faster than an adult.

I hopped off the bed and my Dr asked if I had any questions before we moved on to the Nuchal results.  I had actually come prepared this time with about 3 pages of questions in my notebook!  Some of the questions were practical questions such as access to the hospital when I go in to labour and whether I should call an ambulance, considering that the Columbia University Medical Centre, where I am to give birth, is all the way up on the Upper West Side at 168th Street.  My Dr put me at ease, saying that the typical length of time for a first pregnancy is 24 hours from initial contractions to birth, so I should be fine making it up the West Side Highway to the hospital!  I asked what the latest is I could travel to being pregnant.  He said it's fine up until really the last month.  I was worried about our trip to the Caymans in late May, but he said that it was absolutely fine, and that the airline probably wouldn't even realise that I was pregnant.  I asked about travelling once the baby had arrived, and he told us that it would depend on where we were going, with regard to jabs etc..  He also told us that the passport process is quite a lengthy one, in that it takes around 6 weeks alone for the birth certificate to be sent out from the hospital!  Then the passport process for a newborn takes anywhere from 2 to 4 weeks, and that is after having the passport photos taken and applying in person with an 'Identifying Witness' who is a US citizen and can vouch for your identity at the time of the application.

I also asked him about certain things that I'd read on the internet, such as the ingredients in some herbal teas being harmful to unborn foetus'.  Mark had bought me some sachets of different herbal teas from a store near his office in Tribeca, and after Googling some of the ingredients, like burdock root and yerba mate, and 'pregnancy' I thought that I'd potentially already done some damage to my baby, as some sites advise that these ingredients may cause damage to the foetus, and could even lead to birth defects!  Luckily (again) the Dr put me at ease, explaining that the amount of these ingredients in the herbal teas is so minute, that there is no chance of them harming the baby whatsoever.

He also reassured me that it's fine to eat as much salmon as I want to.  I had queried this because so many sites recommend that you stick to no more than two servings of oily fish a week, but he said that there's no chance of overdosing on the good fats, Omega 3s, so enjoy!  He also said lobster is also fine to enjoy, with its levels of mercury being low.  He said that the mercury risks are only if you have chronic exposure to high levels of it, meaning if you eat huge amounts of the fish or seafood with high levels of mercury every day or so of your pregnancy.  I'm not really eating tuna at all, but apparently having it a couple of times a week is totally fine.

I asked about caffeine, diet drinks and sweeteners, all of which he said to enjoy in moderation.  He told me that the Hydrogen Peroxide 3% mix that the dentist had told me to use was totally safe.  I also asked about alcohol, mentioning wine in particular, to which he replied, "Half a glass is absolutely fine".  I was the one who had to fill in a frequency of "once or twice a week", to which he nodded in response.  I've actually only had a small glass or so every few weeks, but it is nice to have a reasonable Dr who reassured me about so many things that I'd read about on so many misleading websites! 

The next thing was to discuss the Nuchal results.  He explained that the average possibility of having a baby with Downs Syndrome for my age was 1 in 300, but with the tests that had been taken, our baby's chances were 1 in 6,600.  He said that with such a low possibility, they wouldn't recommend any additional invasive tests to be performed to confirm 100%, so we were very relieved that the test results gave such a confident result.

Of course, telling Mum that night of our eagerly awaited results her immediate reaction was, "But what if you're the 1 in 6,600?!"!!!!!