The Lead Up

So I'm now writing this post following Hunter's birth, and in this sleep-deprived state that I am permanently in at the moment, it is very weird thinking back to pre-Hunter days! 

The few weeks prior to the birth of the baby really seemed to fly by.  It was great having the time off work to prepare, as I made countless visits to various stores, in particular Buy Buy Baby, the huge baby department store on 7th Avenue in Chelsea, which has everything you could ever imagine baby-related.  It was also nice being able to rest up in between.  My hip was still quite painful during the night, so it was good to be able to relax when I wanted to for as long as I needed to.  The weather was scorching and hotter than anything I had experienced in years.  I made sure I drank loads of water each day, and some days were spent inside in front of the air con and fan.  A few days before the baby was born, I didn't leave the apartment until 7pm that evening because of the sweltering heat outside, and even at that time the humidity made it still feel like it was more than 40'c.

The date of the delivery was initially scheduled in for Friday 19th July.  We found this out early in the week prior.  I had always wanted the birth to be as close to my due date (25th July) as possible, so asked Dr Holden if we could move it closer to the 25th.  The dates that Dr Holden was working around the 25th were already booked up, but if someone went in to labour earlier, then I would be able to take their slot.  Closer in on July 17th, a slot on the 24th came up, but Dr Holden had said that the 23rd was better for him, so if a slot was to come up for that day, it would be ours.

On July 22nd, the news of Princess Kate going in to labour was on every channel and people were eagerly awaiting the news of the future King's birth.  I was in the Chelsea Markets with my girlfriend, Lucy, who was over from Australia when I received a call from Dr Holden's secretary to tell me that a slot had come up for the 23rd, the next day, and could we be at the hospital around an hour and a half before our 8am delivery.  It suddenly felt so surreal that our baby was to be delivered the next day, in a matter of hours.  I called Mark and told him, 'We are having a baby tomorrow!'.  He was really excited.  It was so weird to think that we had just one more night of 'the two of us' before we became a family.

Later that afternoon, there was news that Princess Kate had given birth to a baby boy named George. It would have been cute to have our baby born on the same day as the future King, but our little guy gets his own day the day after!

The Final Sonogram

Mark and I were both excited and nervous for the final sonogram on the 25th of June.  Mark hadn't been able to attend previous sonograms, so he was excited to see the baby in the live scenario and we were both looking forward to seeing how different he looked compared to earlier pictures.  I was also anxious to see if the placenta had moved and whether the decision about the birth was taken out of my hands.

The baby was facing down and towards my spine, which unfortunately made it difficult for the sonographer to get a good angle for us to see him properly.  It was amazing to see the intricate bone structure of the baby, his spine etc..  The sonographer performed several checks, including making sure the kidneys looked healthy, which she advised is an additional Down's check.  She said that everything was great, and that also the placenta had moved away from the cervix.

Following the sonogram we met with Dr Holden and during our appointment he ran through all of the risks associated with a caesarean birth (http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1029062/caesarean-birth-what-are-the-risks-and-benefits).  Many of these are very scary, however as I have mentally prepared myself for a caesarean throughout my pregnancy, I have decided to continue to plan for the caesarean birth.  Dr Holden said that I could change my mind at any time, but I know that my decision is unlikely to change at this stage.

We discussed the date that the baby would potentially be born, and Dr Holden is going to check the days he is in the hospital during my 40th week (19th-25th July), so that we can schedule in the caesarean.

I finished work and began my leave on June 30th.  I'm now on 'short-term disability' leave in advance of the birth of the baby, and my twelve weeks maternity leave begins from the date of birth.  In recent weeks, my hip has become extremely painful during the night and I'm not getting much sleep at all, so it's a huge help having the time prior to the birth to prepare both mentally and physically for the arrival of the baby, as well as to have the time to make sure that everything is in order before it all gets crazy!

To C or Not to C

For as long as I can remember, I had always thought that I would prefer to have a planned caesarean section over a natural birth.  This had stemmed mainly from the traumatic stories I'd heard from many friends of mine who had had nightmare natural births, most with epidurals.  My sister-in-law had a prolapsed uterus following her labours, which meant that she could literally feel her uterus inside her cervix, and had to undergo a hysterectomy to have it treated.  Some other girlfriends of mine who had also had natural births had told me some horrific stories, where they had haemorrhaged or other dramas had occurred with the baby during the birth, such as the umbilical cord being wrapped around the baby's neck causing the baby to lose air and it had all gone pear-shaped, or forceps or the suction tube being used to get the baby out, which is quite a distressing way to helplessly see your little baby be brought in to the world.  Other girlfriends had told me that it's never the same again 'down there', which also concerned me!  Also, for one reason or another, several other girlfriends had ended up having emergency caesareans, so all in all, I was more of a proponent for a planned caesarean than a natural labour.

Once I fell pregnant, however, I became more open to the idea of going with the flow and letting nature take its course.  At one of the appointments with my OB/GYN he had said that the normal process was to go down the natural route, unless there was something that precluded this from happening.  So at that point, I was becoming more willing to accept that I would probably experience a natural birth in all of its glory.

When the time came for the anatomy sonogram, it hadn't occurred to me that one of the checks the sonographer would perform, in addition to confirming whether the baby itself was anatomically correct, would be to check what position the placenta was sitting in.  Towards the end of the sonogram, she said that she had noticed that the placenta was sitting low, and would conduct an internal sonogram to get a better view of its exact position.  I was unable to recognise much on the screen, but she pointed to a large blob that she said was the placenta and that it was sitting quite close to the cervix.  She had one of the OB/GYNs come in and explain to me what it all meant.  She said that it was too early to be concerned about, as most placentas that are sitting low move up as the uterus expands throughout the pregnancy, but that they needed to make me aware just in case it came to the point later in the pregnancy where it had remained there so it wasn't a surprise.  I had my appointment with my OB/GYN shortly after and we talked briefly about it.  I asked him whether it was common and he said that it was not really common, but not uncommon.  I've done some reading since, and if the placenta remains in a position that is close to, partially or fully covering the cervix, a diagnosis of 'placenta previa' is given, and this only occurs in around 1 in 200 pregnancies.  My OB/GYN added that it would be checked again at around 36 weeks and it would be then that the call would be made as to whether or not a C-section is the recommended method of delivery.

Finding out that the placenta was sitting low made me wonder whether I would be truly happy if I had to have a planned c-section with the decision taken out of hands.  One of my girlfriends has had two planned caesareans in the last few years and said that she has no regrets whatsoever.  There was no stress or drama for either her or the babies, and her recovery was relatively quick.  She was up and walking same day, and started exercising again after 6 weeks, with only a 9cm scar to show for it, and this will usually fade well.  The added bonus is, of course, that there is no wear and tear 'down there';'The Fanny Saver', as many girlfriends of mine refer to it as!  Other women I've spoken to, which include those who have actually had both, have said that if they had to do it again, they would have the caesarean any day.  An additional plus would be, I imagine, that it's also a much less stressful situation for the father-to-be to be in, having heard how traumatised some of my girlfriends husbands were following their respective labours and deliveries!

One of my other very close girlfriends who recently gave birth in London had an epic labour of 50 hours, which encompassed water birth, hypnosis, induction and finally a c-section.  She said that at the end of it all, the epidural and c-section were amazing.  I think she is amazing for continuing that long without demanding a c-section!  After managing through a hellish 50 hours of pain and agony from a natural birth, I think I'd be quite disappointed if I ended up having a caesarean in any case!  She said that she didn't get the level of advice or care that she would have hoped for, and was actually discharged from the hospital the day after her delivery!  Here in the US, the hospital stay is 2-3 nights following a natural delivery or 4-5 nights following a caesarean.

I'm almost more inclined now to once again prefer a safe, planned c-section.  I've done a lot of reading about the operation as well as the recovery, so am not naive or ignorant to it.  I know that the pain around the incision and other abdominal discomfort will be immense, but I think I am prepared to put up with whatever I need to post-birth if the trade off is not going through the stresses and risks associated with a natural birth.  It's no right of passage for me to experience child birth, and if the placenta remains in a low-lying position it is out of my hands anyway, but I'm now completely fine with that.  With the extra time in hospital, I will also get a good chunk of post-delivery care from the doctors and lactation consultants, which will be great.

At one of my last appointments with my OB/GYN, I asked him what the options were if I was actually quite partial to a caesarean.  He said that if the placenta has moved when it's checked again at 36 weeks, it will also be then that we could have a chat about whether I then want to elect for a caesarean.  More recently, we've been talking as if I am having a c-section whether or not the placenta has moved, as I've become so used to the idea of having it.  I did have some concerns about having a caesarean after reading articles that said that babies born by planned caesarean before 39 weeks are more likely to have breathing problems than those delivered vaginally or by emergency caesarean.  My Dr reassured me, though, that they do them after 39 weeks in any of the 7 days leading up to the due date, so at this stage our little boy will be born between the 19th and 25th of July.  The actual date will be determined in early July when my Dr knows his schedule for the hospital and we will then book it in, which seems quite bizarre!

Pregnancy Bump & Weight

One of the quite funny (or mostly irritating!) things I've found during the pregnancy is strangers giving their opinion as to what sex they think the baby is, based on either the shape of the bump or the weight that I'm carrying.  I'm sure every pregnant woman goes through the same thing!  Early on in the pregnancy, I had a few people who I didn't know well at all tell me that they could tell that because of the areas I'd already put weight on (thanks!), I was having a girl.  They said that 'apparently' just a bump with not much weight gained elsewhere means you're having a boy.  Now that we know we're having a boy, it's funny that some people are now saying to me that it's a boy bump, though I think that's because my bump is so huge rather than anything else!  I think in the early stages when there is not much bump to see, that it's impossible to make a judgement as to what sex the baby is.  Plus, other girlfriends of mine who have recently had girls barely put on any weight at all.

Now that I'm in the later stages of my pregnancy, I can certainly tell that as the bump is growing, my lower half is responding in much the same way!  I'm still trying to get to the gym regularly during the week, but I've not done any running at all since I discovered I was pregnant, as it just isn't comfortable.  Even brisk walking now is a stretch (literally!), so I'm relying on the elliptical (cross-trainer) as my main form of exercise, which I've found to be the most comfortable with the ever-increasing bump and weird weight distribution.  It feels lower impact than even a fast walk, and I can try to target my legs and not twist at all while holding on!  It's also an added bonus being able to watch E!News when I go up to the gym at work during my lunch break.. ha!

I am almost gagging to be able to run again.  It's not that fun being limited to less effective exercise when you're used to a regular and more effective exercise routine that balances out a healthy appetite!  At this stage, it won't be until early September that I'll be running, following the recommended six week wait after birth.. gah!

Anatomy Sonogram and the Sex

As the weeks and months pass by, I still find it unbelievable to think that I am carrying a little baby.  For so long there was nothing physically to show for it, and at each of the early sonograms I would look at the screen in disbelief and awe.  In the lead up to the anatomy sonogram, which is to check whether the baby is anatomically fine with ten fingers and toes etc., I was both excited and nervous.  Excited because it would provide me with more proof of the little person growing day by day inside me, and nervous not just to confirm if the little one has the right amount of body parts, but also because of the paranoid thoughts that something may have gone wrong in between the check ups.

I had to head up to the Columbia University Medical Centre for the anatomy sonogram, which is way up around 165th Street, as my OB/GYN is based up there on Fridays.  I had to have it on that day, as I had just reached 18 weeks, which is the earliest you can have the anatomy sonogram, and as I was leaving for London the next day for two weeks, it would be too late for me to have it when I returned.

I hopped on the bed and just before we started, the sonographer asked if I was wanting to find out the sex of the baby that day.  Mark and I had spoken about it before, and Mark had said that he would prefer not to find out, but if I really wanted to then I could.  I had been totally torn for weeks, as I really wanted to find out for a number of reasons.  The main one was because I was so hoping for a little boy to start, so that we'd have an older brother scenario, and because of this I thought I might need a little time to also get excited about a little girl.  Plus, I thought that it would be nice to be able to talk to and refer to the baby as whatever it was and with a name, which would allow us to have more of a connection with it.  I was also so over people, in particular strangers, telling me what they thought I was having because of where I was gaining weight!  So when she asked me if I would like to find out, I answered her by saying, "Well, my husband doesn't want to know, so I don't want you to tell me, but I really want to know!".  She laughed and said, "Well, this is going to take quite a while, and if you're paying attention you'll be able to see me type the chromosomes on the screen at one point", so I made sure I paid attention the whole way through.  It did take quite a while because the whole exercise was an amazingly thorough one, in literally looking for each and every body part to make sure it was present and correct.  When we finally got to a screen where I thought I recognised a little fluro member, she wrote 'XY' on the screen, and I knew that they were the chromosomes I was looking at.  She stayed on the screen and asked if I could see.  I said, "Oh wow, it's a boy!", to which she laughed and said, "I'm neither confirming nor denying".  I was so excited, but was still aiming to keep it a secret, thinking to myself that I hadn't been definitively told, so I could be wrong!

Mark had his suspicions that night when he returned from Chicago, asking me how it went.  I told him that the sonographer had said that he was an extremely active baby, flipping and twisting all the time.  He asked me why I was referring to it as a boy, and I told him that the sonographer had been referring to it as a boy, which was the truth even before the chromosome screen, so I was just naturally doing the same.  I also told him that the sonographer had said the baby had long fingers, to which Mark replied, "Golly, we might pop out a funny-looking, ginger-haired kid."  I asked why we'd have a baby with red hair, and he reminded me that all three of his brothers are strawberry blonde and had red hair as kids.  What colour hair our little boy has is yet to be seen, but Prince Harry has certainly made red hair sexy.. haha!

I left for London early the next morning, successfully without having disclosed the chromosome story to Mark.  Over the two weeks that I was there seeing my girlfriends (and working out of the London office at the same time), I was asked numerous times if I knew what we were having.  I was hopeless at keeping mum about it (literally!), though my reply would be, "I think we are having a boy because I think I saw the chromosomes".  I was dying to speak to Mark, as I couldn't hold it or my excitement in any longer and wanted to share it with him, but it had been impossible to speak to each other during the second week of my trip, as he was doing the Atacama Desert Race with Richie, a crazy week-long race through the Chilean desert that encompassed a marathon or more each day, and there was no phone coverage out there.  Richie had taken up the email package so that he could send long messages back to Emma at the end of each day for Em to update his blog, but other than that, Emma and I had no direct contact with the boys, and would have to wait until they were back at the finish line in San Pedro to speak to them.

I returned to London the day after the boys finished the race, and that afternoon Mark and I Skyped while he was waiting to board his plane back to NYC.  He told me how he had been telling people doing the race that we were going to name our baby Sunny if it was a boy, because we got married on the Sunshine Coast, or Goldie if it was a girl, because I was from the Gold Coast.  I started blurting that I actually had to tell him something and straight away he said, "I knew it.. you know don't you!  Ok, what are we having, a Sunny or a Goldie?"  I said, "We're having a Hunter", as that was the name that I had previously mentioned to him that I loved.  He smiled, and jokingly said that the fact that we were having a boy softened the blow of finding out early, though I think he also secretly wanted a boy to start.

It's so nice being able to talk to him as a 'he' and with a name (Hunter has stuck so far.. result!).  He is now also kicking, or performing somersaults or whatever he is doing in there, more and more each day, which is a strange feeling but very exciting at the same time.  The movements were initially less obvious, feeling more like bodily twitches similar to indigestion rather than anything foreign in my tummy area, but as the weeks have gone on, they are now clearly identifiable, and Mark and I get a lot of enjoyment simply by waiting for them with our hands on my belly while we watch bad television each night!

Redundancies vs Promotion

Preparation for my promotion process began well over a year prior to the official promotion round.  I had travelled on my own to the Paris and Milan offices in late 2011 to implement the Risk and Control Assessments in the branches, and the majority of 2012 had been spent continuing to demonstrate that I was operating at the level of Vice President, and to 'knock it out of the ballpark' as my boss kept reminding me.

I had been very lucky with my move to NYC.  Having gone to my boss in London on my return from honeymoon to let him know that Mark and I intended on moving to NYC later in the year, with the intention of giving him ample time to find someone to replace me, I wasn't quite certain what the reaction would be.  Fortunately, he immediately asked if I'd like to transfer with the team and work out of the NYC office, to which I replied a definitive, "Yes!", and he set about organising the transfer for me.

It was a relatively painless process, apart from the employment lawyers at work leaving the visa application process to the eleventh hour prior to our scheduled move date, and the additional laborious task of having to line up for hours at the US Embassy in Mayfair.  However, the visa process itself was very straightforward.  The L1 visa that I was being transferred under is an employer-sponsored visa for employees who have been with the company for more than two years.  It is initially granted for a 2 year period, which can then be extended for another three and, if the employer is a well-known company, is merely a formality.  Although our move to NYC and the shipment of our belongings both to NYC and back to Australia was going to be a small financial burden on Concep, at least the cost of my visa was something that had been taken care of by my work.  Plus, the relief of me having a job to go to upon our arrival in the US meant that we had one less thing to worry about.

The move to NYC provided me with another dimension and opportunity to take advantage of in my career, with a significant number of the Commodities stakeholders being based in the US.  I knew that the promotion process was already underway, and was nervously anticipating the interview that would be scheduled between myself and my promotion 'sponsor', who would be a Director or, more likely, an MD at the company.  I finally heard from my promotion sponsor, and our meeting was set for early the following week.  On the day of the planned meeting, I hadn't heard from him to confirm a time as planned and assumed that he was too busy to meet that day and would have to reschedule.  However, he contacted me mid-afternoon to confirm the interview and check whether I would be right to pop up to his office in an hour's time.  I quickly revised my notes and soon made my way up.

He immediately put me at ease and, refreshingly, conducted our meeting as more of a discussion rather than an interview.  This both comforted and concerned me, as I wasn't quite sure whether we would have covered enough ground for him to be armed with adequate ammunition in order to fight my corner in the Promotion Committee meeting that was being held in mid December.  Nonetheless, I had to trust that the interview had gone as well as it could have and that I had done my best to impress.

The weeks following went by without any news.  My boss in London had been told that no news was good news in the lead up to the formal promotion announcements around 'bonus time' in February.  During this time, I had discovered that I was pregnant, but informing work about it was something that I thought would best be left until after I had been told news of my promotion, one way or the other.

In the week of 'bonus day' in early February, we had a somewhat unforeseen turn of events.  Three people in our US team were made redundant.  Two days after redundancies had occurred, we were still getting used to our dramatically-reduced team and the knowledge that the work that had suddenly been left behind would have to be redistributed among us immediately.  That afternoon, one of the two remaining Directors in our team called each of us in to an office one by one to give us our bonus messages.  I was called last, which I wasn't expecting as I thought that my boss in London would be the one to deliver my message.  However, as I was now a US employee, my message was driven from HR in the US.

I was immediately told that I had been successful in my promotion and was now a VP.  As much as the huge wave of immense relief swept through me, I couldn't help the bitter sweet feeling I had about that week, which had seen three people lose their jobs.  Also, the fact that I was still concealing my pregnancy made me feel a bit guilty, which was silly.  It was just unfortunate timing.  I had been advised that although the US has minimal employment laws, one of the laws that the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission did have was The Pregnancy Discrimination Act, which forbids discrimination based on pregnancy when it comes to any aspect of employment, so for this reason, the likelihood of me being let go after my promotion was, luckily, non-existent.

I wanted to be able to tell my team in London about my pregnancy in person, which meant that I should really tell my ultimate boss in NYC prior to my London trip at the end of February.  I decided that I would tell him the news the day before I left for London, which would also be the day of my anatomy sonogram, and enough time for the dust to have settled following the redundancies.

When the day came, I went and asked if I could speak with him for five minutes.  He waved me in and I began telling him that I had some news.  I think he actually thought I was resigning, as when I told him I was 'with child', he looked almost relieved!  I started telling him that it was a huge surprise for Mark and I, probably going in to a bit more detail than I needed to!  I told him that I'd be off from around the end of July for about six months, but jokingly said that the good thing was that if I was in London, I'd be off for the whole year.  I told him that I was committed to my job and would be making sure that things would flow smoothly in my absence.  He congratulated me and we had good chat, so much to my relief, it had all gone well!

Symptoms, or Lack Thereof

Not having suffered through any morning sickness was, I suppose, another reason for my delayed discovery.  A few weeks after I knew I was pregnant, I started waking up in the morning absolutely ravenous, with a slightly painful hunger that wouldn't let up until I had something in my belly.  The Dr said to keep a stash of water crackers in the bathroom cupboard so that I could quickly access them in the middle of the night, if required, or when I wake up.  Now when I wake up at crazy hours of the night, I just head straight to the kitchen to wolf down a yogurt, banana or apple.

In early January, apart from having the odd lower back dull ache and noticing that my boobs were becoming more sensitive, I thought I had escaped the worst of what others go through in the way of morning sickness or symptoms etc., but a few nights in a row, my wisdom teeth (mainly my bottom right wisdom tooth) started flaring up in the middle of the night and becoming agonisingly painful.  I read on the internet that it is also common for expectant women to have their gums flare up due to pregnancy hormones, and if you also happen to have your wisdom teeth flare up, that there's not much that can be done about it until after you've had the baby, unless you want to go through the agonising removal of them with limited pain relief!  I made an appointment with the dentist the following Monday.  He said that he would aggravate the area around the tooth with the idea of getting it to bleed and then settle down.  I also had the hygienist thoroughly rip my mouth apart, which was good in a masochistic way, and give me a dressing-down reminder about how important good oral hygiene is, so I bought a new electric toothbrush (with a normal toothbrush head, rather than a round head that I'd not found that effective in the past) and passed through the pharmacy to buy floss and mouthwash and also the recommended Hydrogen Peroxide 3% mix that the dentist said to use several times a day by swilling around my mouth with warm water to kill bacteria.  The dental cover provided by my dental insurance through work also has added incentive to get back to the dentist regularly, as it covers quarterly hygienist treatments.  Thankfully, my wisdom tooth settled down in a couple of days, but it looks like I will at some point have to have it removed, as its current coordinates are way out of line with the rest of the troops!

I haven't had any cravings as such.  I suppose the only 'craving' I have sometimes had is the main thing I can't have, alcohol!  Though even that has settled down.  I have the odd sip here and there, though I've become less inclined to feel like it, opting more for OJ or soda water and fresh lime.  I felt less guilty about having a the odd half glass once my Dr said it was absolutely fine, but when I do have any wine, which might be once or twice every few weeks, I top and tail it with loads of water, and usually have a spritzer.  It will certainly be weird being able to drink freely again!